The Unreal World

• I am writing this to vent my unbelievable frustration with my first real world experience and to prevent any of you from making the same mistake that I did. As many of you know, I took the job with Competitive Sports Marketing. The people that worked there were awesome and the opportunity, albeit a bit risky, was perfectly tailored to me - or so they made me think.
• The interview process itself was about a 10 hour process & after talking with the boss I was sold on the company and felt priviledged to be offered this opportunity. I turned down a job with Enterprise, moved to Austin at the beginning of this month and began the day after. Let me break down the job to you so to avoid any confusion. Training was intense and it was 10 days long, they guarenteed me a minimum of $300 a week (boss said 'that's definitely a low estimate) during this period as well. After training I would jump into leadership in which I would be training new employees and conducting interviews with the minimum salary being aroudn $800 a week here adn leadership was supposed to last 4-8 months. After leadership I would move into Assistant Mgmt with a guarenteed $1500 a week and this phase would last 2 months. I would then get my own branch. Now what the company does is they are an outsourced sales force for Fortune 100 companies.. this particular branch did Quill office supplies. So what I did was go door to door trying to sell office supplies & I knew this going in and was prepared for it. I generally enjoyed dealing with people and figured I would be awesome at it.
• The company advertised looking for motivated, competitive entry level college grads who were risk takers and wanted to improve themselves and open up their own branch within a year... keep that in mind as I unfold everything...
• Day one - well I had to come in at 730 in the morning (during the interview they had me come in at 9 and leave at 5) so that already kind of threw me off but no big deal. In the morning we held all these dumbass team building/motivation exercises & I seriously thought I was back @ A&M's basketball camp combined with some powerhouse 'let's party for Jesus' Sunday service. I was sent out with a trainer and given this whole packet of 'the system' as they called it. Well they had me read it in the car and go into businesses right away trying to pitch and sell to them, crazy I know, but they had warned me it was extremely intense and fast paced so no big deal really. My trainer made zero sales for that day - he's been with the company for 11 months and hasn't even been promoted to Asst. Mgr. yet so that already had me raising some questions. He was an awesome guy though, unbelievable integrity, fun to hang out with (coming from me that says a lot), and well this is all what I was made to believe. Despite the zero sales we both were joking around on the way home and came back to the office. Now this was what really began to throw me off. We got back around 5:30 and well nobody would fucking leave the office! I just kind of kept waiting for somebody to leave but nobody ever did.. there was more team building and talking about what we all did wrong that way and how to get better. We weren't allowed to mention the number of sales we got or have a bad attitude or else we would get bitched at. Anyway I ended up getting home at 9pm, and I was just thinkign this was a one day thing and they couldn't possibly do this everyday,, MAN WAS I WRONG!
• The first week my hours were 730am-9pm and when I came home I had no time for anything because I had to practice 'the system' and get the pitch down along with all the rules of which businesses were ok to go into, etc. Basically I had no life, along with poor nutrition, and unbelievably tired. Anyway, I just accepted it as that's how it was supposed to be and that I would do whatever it takes to bust my ass to land a promotion. Now with this system we were supposed to meet 8 office managers a day, visit 80 businesses, and get 2 sales... I'm also embarassed to say that I had no idea the ENTIRE job was commission based until the 4th day mainly b/c they had me convinced by 'you will be making a minimum of $$$ per week'. Anyway these people seriously had no friends outside of the office and they wanted to hang out with me Friday, Saturday, and even have dinner on Sunday night and that freaked me out a little bit. I didn't join a frat in college for a reason, and no offense to those who are in one. I just don't like being forced to do things against will or be forced to respect or be friends with someone who's done nothing to earn my respect. I did go watch the UT game with them but that was mainly because I didn't have a TV but yeah seeing those people for 13 hours a day was already WAY enough for me, despite their coolness.
• The next week is when I really began 2nd guessing everything. I have always prided myself on seeing through bullshit but I have never encountered anything this structured or established before. First thing I noticed was that I drove the best car to work.. this is including my boss who claims to make 300k a year and drives a 92 single cab Toyota Tacoma, make sense to you?!?! Everything was hush hush as well.. 3 people quit in the 4 days I had been working and no word was mentioned of it. Also when I started, only 3 of the employees out of 15 were the same as from when I did my interview. I definitely questioned that and the answer I got was (oh well this job is only for the elite and 95% of the population can't handle it) and well they stroked my ego and it definitely worked for the time being. I went out with my trainer again Monday and once again ZERO sales. I started to word my questions better as to get more direct answers. I found out my trainer only makes about $400 a week (he's been there for 11 months) and that there also were no benefits and that promotion was solely based on the sales that were made. This was the EXACT opposite of what I was fed during my interview but of course my trainer managed to cover everything with some false optimism that this was an upstart company and things were on the upswing yada yada. Like I said these people were awesome so I had no reason not to believe them.
• 5th day I got my own territory in New Braunfels and ended up visiting every business in that city in 3 days and landed 3 sales.. this was after walking in 240 doors!!! I had never encountered so many rude people in my life but I sat back and thought about it.. if I saw someone walk in with a suit, tie, and a bag I would probably treat them the same way. Nobody likes to be sold to. I definitely had my own style with selling, I formed it to my personality.. I didn't incorporate any manipulation which I suppose didn't help me much but I played the cards the best I could. It was frustrating, especially now realizing everything was commission based and my trainer said that most people don't even get a sale during training and that I was doing awesome so I kept going...
• Now this girl from A&M started 3 days before I did.. I didn't talk to her that much in the first week but after Monday the boss comes down as we were leaving and says he wanted to talk to us. He told us how he has never been this excited about 2 employees ever and that we were going to take the company to a new level and he had big plans for us. We bought it and me and her sat on the back of her pickup that night and talked about how exciting this all was. What's funny is the next night we hightailed it out of work early and went to a bar to grab a beer and just opened up about everything. She was trained and went out with completely different people so we shared our stories and thoughts. She was just as skeptical as I was. The people she got trained by also had ZERO sales on days and they had been with the company for well over a year and yeah there was NO ASST. MGR. at all in the entire company... We laughed about how much we hated how everyone was so buddy buddy and always wanted to hang out all the time and we bitched about the hours and the rude people at businesses. We both made a commitment to make a decision Friday and we were going to meet up and talk about it. Thursday was just something awful terrible.. I spent 2 hours with this lady and had the order placed only to have her cancel it the last second. One lady asked me 'did you ever graduate 1st grade.. because apparently you can't read the No Soliciting on the door', and well I did zero sales that day. That wasn't enough to cause me to quit though, I'm pretty thick skinned and I'll be damned if I let some miserable attitude of a person with a desk job ruin my day...
• I called my uncle that night. My uncle is a regional manager for MotionInc. which is the 3rd largest sales firm in the nation so I figured he would know his shit. He had me read him our pitch and just tell him everything then he just started going off.. He told me not to even show up to work tomorrow. Basically we both broke the company down as this: Basically they go to, in this company's case - Quill Office Supplies, and say 'hey we are going to put ads out advertising for motivated, competitive, recent college grads and tell them they are going to become a manager within a year'.. 'now what we are really going to do is get you tons of sales from these motivated students and make it so tough and insanely difficult on them so that they quit & we don't have to waste money on paying for their branch (Quill pays each new branch manager $25000 per year so)'. That just made perfect sense to me even though everything wasn't completely clear that was enough to justify me quitting the next day.
• So Friday I sleep in and head up to work and sit down with my boss 1 on 1. I wasn't going to leave without leaving a piece of my mind behind. I basically told him that I figured it all out and that if they were really looking to retain employees they would start us off with a base during training and then build up from there. He came back with how they have tried that before and it doesn't work because nobody works as hard and people are lazy. Then I go 'ok you are putting out advertisements saying that you are looking for competitive motivated individuals, and I know me personally I would have busted my ass just the same, base pay or no base pay but now you have lost a good employee because of your so called system.. you wander why you have such high turnover but you really don't even seem to care.. if people were being lazy then obviously you aren't hiring the people the ad says you are looking for.. plain and simple!' I think he respected my words at least and he even offered to write me a recommendation for my next job, how weird is that ha! Anyway I was relieved leaving.
• Now the girl, my partner in crime, I told her everything my uncle said but she was now giving it until the next Friday because she had just been promoted and she just wanted to get a feel of whether or not it was going to get better and plus she didn't even have a place in AUstin yet (she was driving from Giddings everyday). Well I have talked with her everyday, sometimes twice a day.. I almost died when she told me what she did this week.. Basically the next promotion of course was taking out interviews and building a team within the company then after that it was asst. mgr. OK, well she is looking through the packet and in selling to customers we have four things we use to help complete a sale:
• 1. Sense of Urgency - make it seem like this is a once in a lifetime chance at these deals
• 2. Fear of Loss - ties into the first one a bit
• 3. Indifference - pretend we don't care whether or not we get the sale or not
• 4. Jones - that's saying something like 'well we do business with Bobo's law firm down the road' to make them feel more at ease
• Now in her packet it says TO USE THE SAME FOUR TECHNIQUES ON YOUR INTERVIEWEES to make them take the job!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That set me off!!!!! I started thinking back to everything.. everything that was spoken in the office, outside of the office, it was all based off of the system. They even had the day with the interview all mapped out like 1030am - crack a few jokes and loosen up the interviewee, lunch - explain the barebones structure of the company, then it specifically said do not mention anything else about the company unless the interviewee asks and even if they do just give short brief answers: K.I.S.S. (keep it short and simple) yet another manipulation sales technique. Anyway the convo we had for the next 30 minutes was actually one for a good comedy show,, I was like.. oh shit he totally Jones'd me that time. Me being pissed off was quite an understatement but her telling me that is when it all fell into place for me. The whole thing made sense and it's just scary looking at it now - it reminded me a lot of The Skulls to be exact. So she is calling in sick now because she can't even bare to face them anymore. She has to make sure she gets her paycheck Friday so she is going in for that but yeah it is crazy. I really can't even put into words what the environment there was really like but I tried the best I could.
• So now... well I am essentially screwed. I turned down Enterprise for this job and they won't take me back for another 6 months due to some stupid laws and I have lots of bills coming up at the beginning of this month. I seriously doubt the $50 I made for the 101 hours I put in at Competitive Sports Marketing (which is another weird thing b/c now on monster it is listed as Competitive Marketing Concepts) will even cover a bathroom tile here at this place. Oh well, I do believe everything has a purpose for happening and hopefully this will only lead me to better opportunities and bigger things - I have had worse happen to me before so this is just another upstream battle for me, which I'm not gonna lie I kind of enjoy it.
• I wrote this to close this chapter in my life and to prevent any of you from making the same mistake I did.. no matter how emotionally intelligent you are, just like with even the most expert computer hackers struggle with, there are some tough systems to break through in this world to discover the truth. I'm just thankful I"m not in my 11 month with this company excited about my 'future'.

College Station, TX

I grew up in a pretty small town as many of you know. I was scared out of my mind of Austin and I had came to this town back in 8th Grade for Tony Baroni's basketball camp and it seemed like an alright place then.... so A&M and CS it was! I probably could have gone anywhere I wanted to at the time but me being all smart and valedictorianish back in the day, I didn't want to stray too far away from home in case I grew a vagina and wanted my mommy.

Boy did I make the right decision! College Station and Texas A&M has just over exceeded all of my expectations. Like if College Station were a basketball player, it would be Shawn Bradley.. if it played baseball it would be the Texas Rangers, if it were a superhero it would be Squirrel Girl, if it were a movie it would be From Justin to Kelly (the greatest cinematic achievement of our lifetime).


That tail is hoTT

In the famous words of James Lipton.. College Station is purely and simply 'scrumptrulescent'. Lets check out the rankings of the greatest cities of America as compiled by fooluvsheet.com:

1. College Station, TX
2. Lincoln, Nebraska (Home of the one and only Foxy Leah)
3. Death Valley, CA
4. Cut-N-Shoot, TX
5. NYC, NY

Just think.. I have now lived in the greatest city in the greatest country in the world. It really sucks because now the rest of my life will just be so anti-climatic. I am crossing my fingers, knocking on wood, and walking under any ladder I can find hoping that I land a lifetime job here.


Diddy can be seen dining here.. oh yeah and Matt Damon also (think of Team America and you're laughing RIGHT now)

In an interview with a local Greens Prairie resident, Kristin 'Kip' Kindel, she states, "College Station is the greatest city in America? Wow I really didn't know that, but I guess to me it does make perfect sense I mean I live next to an exquisitely manicured golf course, everyone who lives near me has gorgeous houses with quiet and well-behaved children, and the only time we see another race is when our yard gets mowed 5 times a week. As a matter of fact, College Station might be the greatest city in the WORLD." Did you hear that everyone - thats right she said - THE WORLD. Frankly, I could not agree more. I have never agreed with something this much since Michael Jackson was found not guitly of getting little boys drunk and proceeding to play with them.

The study showed that the assortment of nightlife activities propelled College Station to the top. This town just has the best of everything for everyone. If you are a preppy frat guy you can hit up Revolutions in Bryan or even the Dixie Chicken for a ball-bustin round of 42 with all of your little, old, and bed brothers. If you love to dance now this is DEFINITELY the place for you to be. There is just non-stop dance action going on all around town 7 hours a week 24 days a year. I can sometimes feel the scandalous bass beats all the way in my bedroom. Then I just end up crying myself to sleep and holding my body pillow b/c even though I am a pretty good dancer, I still have yet to fully master and come into my own with my dancing ability to be able to hang with anyone in this town yet. Maybe with a few years more practice I'll be deemed ready.

...Now don't think I'm leavin all my homeboys out. For my fellow black peeps, really the choices are limitless for you to.. Logan's is the first to come to my mind, along with The Corner Bar. As a matter of fact, I have even read in the school newspaper recently how The Corner is not even charging black folks for drinks and letting them wear whatever the hell they want to the bar. The owner can often be seen walking around the bar throwin out mad props to his 'niggaz' (as he calls them). The owner officially declared Gin and Juice as the bar's new theme song and he has even changed the bar slogan to 'Black is Back' (on a sidenote, AC/DC attempted to sue them for this but much like Vanilla Ice and the battle with David Bowie and Queen, it's that one little eency weency tiny modification that made everything ok). If you are a homo then in coming to College Station, you my friends, or umm gurlfriends, have found the pot of gold at the end of your personal rainbow. They sometimes call College Station 'Mini-SanFran'. All one needs to do is hit up Harry's or the Hall on the weekends to discover the truth behind that catch phrase. Body's pressed against each other dancing to that music with that drug-like addicting twang and just an endless sea of guy's with tight jeans (that probably wouldn't wrinkle if Running of the Bulls stampeded thru). Asians and latinos are also welcome anywhere - especially try and make it to Asian night at Harry's, I hear it's almost as fun and action packed as White Out night at The Tap.


A familiar scene from The Hall

Now ladies don't think I'm leaving your fun out. Well actually to be honest College Station doesn't look all too highly on the ladies I'm sad to say. There's never a ladies night here anywhere and I think once even Girls Gone Wild came to town and they ended up having to convert it to Guys Gone Wild at the last minute. The filming crew showed up in the middle of a heated 42 session at the Dixie Chicken and we alllll know what those turn into by the end of the night. Add 27 and you get the picture. So anyway don't let all of that deter you ladies, if 'Kip' can be happy here in the greatest city in the nation, ohh excuse me WORLD, then there is still plenty of untapped happiness for you to.

I could go on and on about the wonderful traffic situation, the abundance of high class restaurants, the CSPD, the easy access to to my favorite music acts and professional sports teams but I am pretty sure you have already wet yourself with excitement ten times over by now. Much like St. Augustine Florida has the fountain of youth, College Station has the fountain of scrumptrulescence. I know I will for sure continue to regularly inject it into my well-being for the next 43 years i mean days I'm here.

Boo.. no I mean Booooooo

There are no words to describe how ready to graduate I am. This week has gotten off to a spookpooptacular start. Stayed up all night last night working on my speech and hey what do ya know, just like last time I don't get to go... Except this time instead of a computer eating the CD, some guy apparently thought his name was Ryan for the day and went today instead of next Monday when he was supposed to go. I didn't even realize this until class was winding down and I saw I wasn't gonna have time to go. Now I am a very laid back guy but when things keep happening over and over again something is bound to give.

So now I get the pleasure of pulling another all-nighter for a research paper in MGMT 464 and also trying to figure out what the hell is going on for our presentation for the same class also tomorrow morning. We seriously have like 9.5 people in our group (I count as 1.5 because I'm awesome) and there is no way we can all get together to meet. I am seriously thinking about just copying and pasting my speech and turning it into my research paper. It would be a stretch to try and make it work with the assignment but at this point I REALLY don't care anymore.

I know I'm a bizness major so I really can't bitch too much but I"m not going to remember anything I've learned here a year after I graduate. College is a great place to come into your own and learn a lot about yourself but degrees, GPA, all of those things are complete BS. They stretch out business major's degrees to get every penny they can out of us. If I have to hear about Equal Employment Opportunity Law in ANOTHER one of my classes I'm going to scream like an angry black woman snackin on a fortune cookie who just got spooked by the ghost of John Wayne while getting bit in the achilles by a rabid chihuahua (or insert other random multi-diversity joke here). For one entire week in ALLLLL of my classes we talked about diversity, and really there is only so much you can say about it - they could have summed it up in 2 words - don't hate.

Ok just wanted a mini-warm up for what's in store for me tonight.. oh yeah and you should probably check out these hot dance moves http://www.warnerreprise.com/asx/madonna_hungupdkaassdlslsdk_300-v.asx
- I'll be workin' to showcase some of them soon.

A better place

Sorry for the huge gap in writing.. I have A LOT I want to say but I've been busy with school and fun and you know how that goes.

'Why are you just standing there? Why are you acting stuck up? Why aren't you talking? Why aren't you dancing? Why are you wearing white shoes today? Do you really not like me?' These are all just a sample of questions I've been asked recently and boy how much I enjoy being constantly analyzed. I think this all started when I was four years old and made it on the front page of the Houston Chronicle. I was at the Austin County fair parade in my hot and styling Osh Kosh with a cowboy hat wearing an American Flag. Naturally I was cheesin' like no other and there were probably millions of people looking at my picture at the time thinking... hmm why is that little kid smiling so big while horses are pooping on the road in front of him or why can't my kid be as cool as that? Either way it's been a downward spiral ever since.

But Ryan don't you do the same thing with people - see there you go with your damn questions again. Actually I don't have to really. I know pretty much what's going on at all times and really I probably have been observing your actions for the past hour or so without you even knowing it so I know what has lead up to your inevitable collapse or happy-go-lucky good mood. If I don't understand what's going on with you then you are probably mentally insane therefore I won't hang out with you anymore (you'd be surprised how many people fit this bill). If you are sad I will do what I can to snap you out of it, if you are pissed off I'll steer clear & the same goes if you are tired but then again if you are tired you take your ass to bed b/c it usually goes tired > drunk > sad > depressed (and you know it does because it happens to you everytime).

Sometimes I wonder if people expect me to act like a robot and show the same emotions all the time and give the same response to every question. I went to the rec yesterday and when the girl card-swiper asked me how my day was going I said "pretty shitty actually" and she looked at me like I just broke some sort of preprogrammed human response code. To prove my point she goes '"oh well thats good, have a nice workout!" I completely caught her off guard and on top of that she said that line with about the fakest smile I've seen since John Kerry after his Igotmyasshandedtomeintheelection speech. My answer didn't affect her life so why should she care....? I didn't expect her to open up her Psyc 107 book and ask me to go have a smoothie and sit on the couch for some quality 1 on 1 therapy time but a simple 'oh hey well i hope it gets better for ya' would have been awesome.

This brings me back around to the truth behind people asking me all those questions.. all of those questions revolve around how I'm reacting TO THEM, how I'm affecting them or the situation they are in. Maybe I'm not dancing because I want to take a break, maybe I'm not talking to you online because I'm pretty damn busy and when I click online about 230493904 people msg me, maybe I'm not gonna hang around you all night because I get bored with people after awhile - whatever it is it's my own business and mine alone. If something affects you I'll tell ya, if I'm pissed off at you I'll avoid you or fight you, it's REALLY easy people - I always try to be as honest as possible.

Let's take a look at the history behind this. As Americans we all sat around wondering 'man why is Mr. Hitler burning babies in furnaces.. he must have had a bad day.' Once we came to the realization that he had no way of effecting us we just continued going about our business. He kept doing these minor things like trying to conquer the world and we were still constantly asking these questions only brushing our shoulders off when we realized he wasn't raping our own children. But like that cigarette spark that quickly grows into a forest fire - you're going to feel the heat somewhere down the line without direct confrontation or hardcore fight - think about it...

I went out by myself last Thursday - that's right I just went somewhere and didn't know anyone that was going to be there. It was one of my funnest nights in college. I met some cool people, hung out with them and had a great time and what's great is that I will never see them again. There was no drama, no preconceived notions about anyone so no stupid questions or analyzing eyes, just good times. At the end of the night I ended up meeting with lots of familiar faces and it was all in all a perfect night. People also wonder about my going out habits so I'll explain those the best I can. I don't like hanging out with the same people over and over again - I mean I love my friends but I really don't want to see most of you everyday. I like a good variety in both the things I do and the people I hang out with. I also am going to do whatever the hell I want whenever I want - no planning, no promises. I won't invite myself over anywhere most of the time & rarely will I invite anyone else with me b/c people get angry when I don't ask them. I will ALWAYS drive myself because I like to be in control of things (unless I'm wasted ha). I think that just about covers all the misconceptions there.

All I ask is for everyone to take care of your own shit first before you start worrying about everyone else. When you see a friend in need keep it real and honest, take care of the situation, and move on. If everyone did this we would all be much better off.

I apologize for the semi-whiny post but I'm hoping this will make my life & everyone elses around me much better. I have less than 2 months until I graduate and it's going to be a hell of a ride. This is already my best semester ever and I'm hoping for much better times along the way.

A lil' introspection

I drove by the house I grew up in last week.. a bit nostalgic to say the least. The neighborhood might as well be swallowed up by the city, my treehouse and old four wheeler trails were demolished by new houses, and well it was just weird in general. I started remembering how many times I rode my bike around the entire neighborhood everyday after school and trying to catch those little dust tornados that can practically lift all of ya off the bike (I was a runt growin up.. 5'6 120 lbs when I graduated high school to be exact). Also remembered having leaf and stick racing tournaments throughout our neighborhood ditches with occassional encounters with water mocassins and snapping turtles.. I could go on and on about all that.

The point is that it should every adult's obligation to tell kids to enjoy every minute that you can because to be honest things only get worse. Our society is structured that way - why I have yet to figure out. Think about it how many of you mapped out your perfect life when you were a kid.. I'm sure it looked a little like this:
1. Graduate high school popular and close to the top of your class
2. Go to College
3. Find your 'soul mate' or whatever the hell you want to call it
4. Graduate College
5. Get a Job
6. Get Married
7. Have Kids
8. Die
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

BORING!!! God just looking at those things makes me want to ram my head directly through the monitor.
1. Graduate high school popular and close to the top of your class
If I'm not a living example of how overrated and stupid this little dream is. Although it's not like I tried all that hard in high school but I sure as hell could have had a lot more fun. Haha I even remember explicitly quitting football so I could 'concentrate more on my grades'. High school did absolutely nothing to prepare me for college not to mention going from 600 people in your school to 45,000 is sort of a big jump.
New goal: Have as much fun in high school as possible without acting too much like a dumbass teenager, play as many sports as you can (you'll regret not doing it later), and don't worry about any kind of drama or any other BS you're going through - you'll probably only keep in touch with 3% of the people after school anyway.
2. Go to College
I will have to say that in the world we live has pretty much made this a MUST and some people are finding that out the hard way. Having a high school degree now is the equivalent to dropping your pants, signing your name in the snow ,and calling it a degree. You'll be stuck doing grunt work the rest of your life unless you get lucky. Saying that, college was not for me at all - I could have done without it but gotta follow the crowd ya know.
3. The 'Soul Mate'
Hahah my personal favorite.. the neverending search for somebody else to 'complete' you - pass the tissues, chocolate and tampons. Why why why is this engrained in our society?? We have become a bunch of dependent pansies. There are lots of people I know who can't spend one moment alone without being bored or missing the company of another. I personally enjoy my own company - in fact I might just marry myself. Now I'm not saying I'm not looking to find somebody or whatever because I am but there are HUGE differences between the way my mind works and the way society says its supposed to work. If I do find somebody I will stand independent from them meaning that if they left my life it would be no big deal because I would still have myself. This is contradictory to the way a lot of other people function b/c they just become dependant on that other person and if that person left they woudln't even know what to do with their life. Face it, people get tired of each other.. have you seen the divorce rate lately?!?! Also, there probably is someone better for you out there and if my partner found that person and has exhausted everything out of me then I would be the one pushing them to go for it - with absolutely no hard feelings (people don't believe me when I say that either but I'm 100% serious). On the other end of the spectrum, if somebody becomes excess baggage then it's time to drop them off and move on to bigger and better things. To sum up, connections and relationships you form with people can help you become a better person and can teach you a lot about life but most people tend to drag things out when they have died many moons ago just because society says they're supposed to. If I meet somebody for a moment in time, awesome, if not there will always be me in the end and that's all that matters.
New goal: Learn as much about yourself as possible by meeting new people and experience new things but also letting go of exhausted relationships when the time comes.
4. Graduate College
Hey, I'm about to do this and it can't come soon enough - Leah I'm extremely envious!! I don't really even remember anything I was supposed to learn looking back. I mean if I saw it again it would be familiar and would come a little faster but all in all college is mainly designed to once again 'weed out' the supposed weaker ones. I'm surprised I made it through, I mean I really suck up the multiple choice tests just because I overanalyze everything. I mean life and its choices are MUCH more complicated than just A, B, C, D, or my favorite mental torture E none of the above. That being said how in the hell do they expect you to even pick your major without even learning anything about half of the majors in high school. I sure as hell didn't take an architecture or psychology class in high school. They just expect us to know this crap - I didn't even know there were seperate colleges when I came here. Although that's not saying much because I also didn't know how to wash clothes, operate an oven, or change a flat tire - wait I still don't know how to do that one.
New goal: ehhh if I had to do it all over again I would probably go to college but would more than likely major in Architecture, Landscape Architecture or go to Film School (which I still might do anyway) but Management is a decent major - can't complain for now.
5. Get a Job
Wow, how exciting is this... rotting in a cubicle from 9 to 5 every single day for practically the rest of your life until you are old enough to retire which by then you'll be too old to enjoy the money you've made by going out and partying or climbing Mt. Everest or whatever makes you happy. Kind of backwards right - shouldn't we have our free time and happiness when we are young and can enjoy it to the fullest?! Although I for one will not be rotting away in a cubicle or any other lame office job I can assure you that.. now I just gotta figure out how to go about doing that : (.
New goal: Do like Ricky Williams move to an island, live in a tent, and smoke weed while saying I'm searching my soul or something. Well minus the weed part because I'm on this seriously psychotic health kick of late.
6. Get Married
Ah this one is fun also. Not only legally I can not do this but I wouldn't even be doing it til I'm at least 35 or so anyway. Also see number 3 for more. If any of you have taken notes on me I don't like to plan nor do I like to be tied down to anything. I like to live for the moment and who's to say at the time I'm not going to be in the mood to do something or something better comes up which is why marriage does not look so appealing. Also now looking back at number 3 I think I forgot to note that it is a VERY VERY good thing to have people in your life who negate your faults, notice I didn't say accentuate or point them out. For example, I have always had a huge problem with getting motivated or pushing myself to the limits with anything and so it is good to find people who can help to negate that even though I have really only met 1 or 2 who have been successful with that (bear in mind only 1 person has ever 'figured me out' completely so don't feel bad if you haven't yet - there are plenty of others out there with you - maybe you can form a support group or fan club).
New goal: See 3's new goal.
7. Have Kids
Some say this 'want' is engrained in all of us... the need to procreate. Maybe it is but there are some people out there reproducing who really don't need to be. I mean if you know you are an idiot.. wait better stop myself there, because if you are an idiot you probably won't know you are one - either way don't have children if you have any doubts. Will I have kids - yes more than likely and as a matter of fact when the time comes I'll have some surrogate mother applications ready to be passed around and will choose a lucky winner. But yeah kids can be a pain in the ass and thats one thing I don't need within my near future.
New goal: Send Reese Witherspoon a surrogate mother application in a few years.
8. Die
Hey guys, it's gonna happen - the inevitable. Scared yet?
New goal: Reincarnate.

So that about wraps up this novel of a post and also I think I broke my rule about not getting a little personal but oh well rules were made to be broken. Another note I think I fixed it to where anyone can comment so if you disagree with anythin I said and would like to intellectually banter with me or tell me I should be hung and speared with a sharp object then go for it .. ironically I should have used this time to write my resume' and all that good stuff I keep getting yelled at for not doing, damnit where's my motivator when I need em'.

Case of the Crazies

So me, Daniel, Laurie, and Rachel are headin' up to the 'Stros game on I-59 when we start following behind this cop car - no big deal right. Well we notice there's a guy in the back seat and he turns around and cuts us this go to hell look or basically a look that any mentally unstable person would give sane people. The next thing we know we see his hands sticking out the very top of the window of where's he's sitting in the car. Somehow this guy manages to shove his arms through this and reach down and grab the door handle to open the car door. Keep in mind we are DIRECTLY behind this car following like 3 feet behind (rush hour traffic). I'm really not believing what I'm seeing as this guy jumps out of the car and proceeds to run in front of this semi and then disappears from our view. The two girls were pretty much screaming and there were lots of WTF's being thrown around, and rightfully so..it's not everyday you see something like this - luckily I had my new digital camera in possession.

The cop slams on his breaks in the middle of the overpass and we're forced to do the same as is the semi right next to us. Daniel starts inching up to where we could see what was going on and here ya go:


Insanity

We all truthfully thought the guy had jumped over the bridge to his imminent death but that wasn't the case. In the meantime we make sure the doors are all locked and are kind of just sitting there like what the hell are we supposed to do. Apparently the cop was in worse shape than we were. He just kept running around panicking and looking like he was the one who jumped out of the car. Although he might as well have jumped off the bridge with the crazy man b/c I guarentee he won't have a job or reputation left after it was all said and done. There are now MILES AND MILES of traffic behind us and for us there was no way around this since it was on a very narrow overpass. Within 5 minutes Deputy dumbass calls for backup and about 10 cop cars show up along with even more right below the ledge this guy was standing on. This guy was a serious headcase - Daniel rolled down the window a little bit so we could hear what was going on:
Cop: Come down now you don't want to do this to me or to your mother (why the guy would care about doing this to HIM I still haven't figured out yet)
Crazy Man: Man, you don't understand.. I got too many problems, this is the only way... (all the while drool is just pouring out of his mouth *vomit*)


Don't Jump!

The crazy man then went off into this tyrade about how crazy the world was and something about stealing a purse and the cop kept throwing out his textbook BS that didn't seem to be working with this guy. We sat there watching all of this for a good 15 minutes and traffic was probably backed up all the way to Brookshire by this point. Finally, the cops cleared out a path for the cars and we were forced to leave which was cool b/c we finally go to head to the game (which was badass btw 3-2 'Stros bottom of the ninth walk off single!!) however we didn't get to see the fate of a madman. Guess I'll have to check the news & in the future I will think twice when following directly behind a cop car - you should to.

Tests..

Your Political Profile

Overall: 55% Conservative, 45% Liberal

Social Issues: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Personal Responsibility: 50% Conservative, 50% Liberal

Fiscal Issues: 75% Conservative, 25% Liberal

Ethics: 25% Conservative, 75% Liberal

Defense and Crime: 100% Conservative, 0% Liberal

How Liberal / Conservative Are You?

Part Expert Kisser

You're a kissing pro, but it's all about quality and not quantity You've perfected your kissing technique and can knock anyone's socks off And you're adaptable, giving each partner what they crave When it comes down to it, your kisses are truly unforgettable

Part Freaky Kisser

When you kiss, you want to experience something new A new technique, a new partner, a new piercing... And your own personal kissing style is very unpredictable There's no saying where your tongue or hands will go

What Kind of Kisser Are You?

You Are 24 Years Old

24 Under 12: You are a kid at heart. You still have an optimistic life view - and you look at the world with awe. 13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax.

What Age Do You Act?

Your Daddy Is Darth Vader

What You Call Him: Pops Why You Love Him: He's the Mack Daddy

Who's Your Daddy?

Your Sexy Brazilian Name Is

Paulo Verga

What's Your Sexy Brazilian Name?

Your Career Type: Artistic

You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary.

What's Your Ideal Career?

Your Inner European is Italian!

Passionate and colorful. You show the world what culture really is.

Who's Your Inner European?

Your Linguistic Profile:

55% General American English

30% Dixie

10% Yankee

5% Midwestern

0% Upper Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Your EQ is

153 50 or less: Thanks for answering honestly. Now get yourself a shrink, quick! 51-70: When it comes to understanding human emotions, you'd have better luck understanding Chinese. 71-90: You've got more emotional intelligence than the average frat boy. Barely. 91-110: You're average. It's easy to predict how you'll react to things. But anyone could have guessed that. 111-130: You usually have it going on emotionally, but roadblocks tend to land you on your butt. 131-150: You are remarkable when it comes to relating with others. Only the biggest losers get under your skin. 150+: Two possibilities - you've either out "Dr. Phil-ed" Dr. Phil... or you're a dirty liar.

What's Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence Quotient)?

My Taste in Music:
80's Pop: Highest Influence
90's Alternative: Highest Influence
90's Pop: Highest Influence
80's Alternative: High Influence
90's Hip Hop: High Influence
Classic Rock: High Influence
90's Rock: Medium Influence
Adult Alternative: Medium Influence
Alternative Rock: Medium Influence
90's R&B: Low Influence
Dance: Low Influence
Hair Bands: Low Influence
Hip Hop: Low Influence
Progressive Rock: Low Influence
R&B: Low Influence

American Cities That Best Fit You:
70% San Diego
65% Austin
60% Atlanta
55% Honolulu
55% Portland