College Station, TX

I grew up in a pretty small town as many of you know. I was scared out of my mind of Austin and I had came to this town back in 8th Grade for Tony Baroni's basketball camp and it seemed like an alright place then.... so A&M and CS it was! I probably could have gone anywhere I wanted to at the time but me being all smart and valedictorianish back in the day, I didn't want to stray too far away from home in case I grew a vagina and wanted my mommy.

Boy did I make the right decision! College Station and Texas A&M has just over exceeded all of my expectations. Like if College Station were a basketball player, it would be Shawn Bradley.. if it played baseball it would be the Texas Rangers, if it were a superhero it would be Squirrel Girl, if it were a movie it would be From Justin to Kelly (the greatest cinematic achievement of our lifetime).


That tail is hoTT

In the famous words of James Lipton.. College Station is purely and simply 'scrumptrulescent'. Lets check out the rankings of the greatest cities of America as compiled by fooluvsheet.com:

1. College Station, TX
2. Lincoln, Nebraska (Home of the one and only Foxy Leah)
3. Death Valley, CA
4. Cut-N-Shoot, TX
5. NYC, NY

Just think.. I have now lived in the greatest city in the greatest country in the world. It really sucks because now the rest of my life will just be so anti-climatic. I am crossing my fingers, knocking on wood, and walking under any ladder I can find hoping that I land a lifetime job here.


Diddy can be seen dining here.. oh yeah and Matt Damon also (think of Team America and you're laughing RIGHT now)

In an interview with a local Greens Prairie resident, Kristin 'Kip' Kindel, she states, "College Station is the greatest city in America? Wow I really didn't know that, but I guess to me it does make perfect sense I mean I live next to an exquisitely manicured golf course, everyone who lives near me has gorgeous houses with quiet and well-behaved children, and the only time we see another race is when our yard gets mowed 5 times a week. As a matter of fact, College Station might be the greatest city in the WORLD." Did you hear that everyone - thats right she said - THE WORLD. Frankly, I could not agree more. I have never agreed with something this much since Michael Jackson was found not guitly of getting little boys drunk and proceeding to play with them.

The study showed that the assortment of nightlife activities propelled College Station to the top. This town just has the best of everything for everyone. If you are a preppy frat guy you can hit up Revolutions in Bryan or even the Dixie Chicken for a ball-bustin round of 42 with all of your little, old, and bed brothers. If you love to dance now this is DEFINITELY the place for you to be. There is just non-stop dance action going on all around town 7 hours a week 24 days a year. I can sometimes feel the scandalous bass beats all the way in my bedroom. Then I just end up crying myself to sleep and holding my body pillow b/c even though I am a pretty good dancer, I still have yet to fully master and come into my own with my dancing ability to be able to hang with anyone in this town yet. Maybe with a few years more practice I'll be deemed ready.

...Now don't think I'm leavin all my homeboys out. For my fellow black peeps, really the choices are limitless for you to.. Logan's is the first to come to my mind, along with The Corner Bar. As a matter of fact, I have even read in the school newspaper recently how The Corner is not even charging black folks for drinks and letting them wear whatever the hell they want to the bar. The owner can often be seen walking around the bar throwin out mad props to his 'niggaz' (as he calls them). The owner officially declared Gin and Juice as the bar's new theme song and he has even changed the bar slogan to 'Black is Back' (on a sidenote, AC/DC attempted to sue them for this but much like Vanilla Ice and the battle with David Bowie and Queen, it's that one little eency weency tiny modification that made everything ok). If you are a homo then in coming to College Station, you my friends, or umm gurlfriends, have found the pot of gold at the end of your personal rainbow. They sometimes call College Station 'Mini-SanFran'. All one needs to do is hit up Harry's or the Hall on the weekends to discover the truth behind that catch phrase. Body's pressed against each other dancing to that music with that drug-like addicting twang and just an endless sea of guy's with tight jeans (that probably wouldn't wrinkle if Running of the Bulls stampeded thru). Asians and latinos are also welcome anywhere - especially try and make it to Asian night at Harry's, I hear it's almost as fun and action packed as White Out night at The Tap.


A familiar scene from The Hall

Now ladies don't think I'm leaving your fun out. Well actually to be honest College Station doesn't look all too highly on the ladies I'm sad to say. There's never a ladies night here anywhere and I think once even Girls Gone Wild came to town and they ended up having to convert it to Guys Gone Wild at the last minute. The filming crew showed up in the middle of a heated 42 session at the Dixie Chicken and we alllll know what those turn into by the end of the night. Add 27 and you get the picture. So anyway don't let all of that deter you ladies, if 'Kip' can be happy here in the greatest city in the nation, ohh excuse me WORLD, then there is still plenty of untapped happiness for you to.

I could go on and on about the wonderful traffic situation, the abundance of high class restaurants, the CSPD, the easy access to to my favorite music acts and professional sports teams but I am pretty sure you have already wet yourself with excitement ten times over by now. Much like St. Augustine Florida has the fountain of youth, College Station has the fountain of scrumptrulescence. I know I will for sure continue to regularly inject it into my well-being for the next 43 years i mean days I'm here.